Back injuries can be humbling. Really humbling . I've been so very physical in my physical gifts, for lack of a better way to describe it. Almost arrogant; like i was invincible. Most would guess I'm 10-15 years younger than i really am. I guess it comes with the stuff I've done, and that I remained so physically capable for so long. Heck, a broken neck, both feet run over, two broken tibias, partial tear of both achilles tendons, three concussions. Eight different surgeries. I've had so many injuries I can't remember them all (the three concussions probably don't help). Second oldest guy to make it through recruit school. I felt like I was banged up, but nothnig could stop me.

Well, up until my back injury. My attitude was always "whatever, I'll be back before you know it." Not this one. Can't wakeboard, lift weights, run, ride my motorcycle, mountain bike. Can't play soccer, football, rough house with my kids.

I believe God has a purpose in almost all that occurs to us. I've grown much stronger in my Christian faith. It' made me realize what truly is important in this life. I could spend a bunch of words to describe that, but i think you already know that.

I've come to realize that our bodies are fragile and will fail us; but our faith is not contained within our physical bodies. I've learned that we can learn much from suffering. In fact I feel God may have wanted me to suffer to help me in my growth, humility and faith.

I've spent a great deal of time reflecting on what I'm doing with my life and how I can help best serve my fellow man. Firefighting is serving our fellow man; but in many ways I feel more like a mercenary, rather than doing it to serve others. So many FFs gripe and moan about their benefits, and feel they "deserve" so much more. I know we take risks. But for the most part those risks are way overstated.

My Brigade Command Sergeant Major is now the Director of the Wa State Veterans Administration. I have another friend who is the pastor for the Tacoma Union Gospel Ministry. I've talked to both of those guys to see if my skill set can be put to use helping. I invested a great deal of time and effort into training over 100 young men (and a few women) to be effective combat leaders. Now a few of them, and many of those they led, are suffering through terrible and horrific injuries to their bodies, their spirits and their minds. Many of those Afghan and Iraq veterans today will be the homeless of the next generation of FFs. I've decided to put my energy into helping Gulf War vets and the homeless, in any way I can.

Wow, it has been a long time since I posted on here. A great deal has happened in that time. I'd guess I'd call all of it good. Maybe not good, but at least insightful. So rather than leaving it hanging, I'll very quickly summarize those things that have gone on for the last eight months.

In late February, 2009 I decided that I was sick of the pain that my back injury had been causing me, and I laid off from work. The good news is that this injury was work related. The bad news is that the City of Seattle would become involved in approving my surgery and many other aspects of my patient care. It took over two months to get approval for the surgery.
In the mean time I'm sitting there feeling sorry for myself that my life had been totally rearranged. I finally got the word that surgery was approved, and had surgery on May 11, 2009. Ouch. Needless to say, no one took the time to really describe to me the pain and difficulty in recovering from the surgery. My MRI had indicated that I had a small disc protrusion, but it was in the worst of places. It was jammed right up against my vertebrae, and to remove it required removal of a portion of my back bone. Nice. I ended up getting a laminectomy, a microdiscectomy and a Foraminotomy. I'll describe those in greater detail later, but the bottom line is that it was not a simple procedure. I've had many of my firefighter buddies just tell me to get over it and get back to work. Not so easily done.
Tomorrow is three months. And my back is still killing me. I'm saddened to say I think it might actually be worse now than it was before the surgery. Either way, I'm still in a bunch of pain and it has consumed much of my emotional energy. Daily I fight feeling despondent, wanting to just quit trying. Most of my hobbies are physical in nature. I find it very hard to do those. No wakeboarding, limited weight lifting.